Dads vs. Boyfriends

May 18, 2016

They are ready to come out with the truth . We may quote them, but not name them. We argue, they are adamant. Finally, we shake hands in agreement, and the beans come spilling out. Five Indian fathers, who openly loathe the boy their darling daughter is dating, give the reason why.

Father # 1 (Daughter is currently in her second year B.Com):
“I think he (the boyfriend) is full of s---. He looks like he bathes once a week. We have brought her up to be a princess. Seeing her going around with this b-- is soul-searing; imagine what you would feel if you had a high bred sophisticated pet dog and saw a mangy stray running with a dripping mouth behind her.”

Father # 2 (Daughter is working in top post in multi-national, earning more than father, and more than boyfriend):
“Does he not have any shame or self-respect? She treats him like a poodle, and it is sickening to see him prancing around at her beck and call! Once, because she was worried about a how to get home after a late night meeting (her workplace is way out, far beyond the suburbs), and this jobless individual had no problem about waiting outside for her for over three hours.”

Father # 3 (Daughter who was pleasant, obedient, and congenial before has become aggressive and unpleasant because of the messy relationship):

“It is the worst thing to hear her crying at night, sometimes right through the night. Nothing we say makes the slightest difference. It seems almost masochistic, the way she continues to cling to him despite the misery he causes her. It is causing us unbearable grief; we wonder where we went wrong with her.”

Father # 4 (Daughter got secretly engaged and informed her parents after the event):

“As parents, we were naturally looking for a suitable son in law who would be from the same social class and background. My daughter trashed such a consideration saying it was outdated, and in today’s time, handsome is as handsome does. She has selected someone because of “physical attractiveness, smell, and sense of humour” – these are her words – and she only told us about the event after it took place because she knows we would never have approved. Well, let’s see how far this attractiveness and smell will take the marriage; she has made her bed, now she will have to lie on it; we cannot do any more.”

Father # 5 (Daughter thinks the boyfriend is genuine, the father knows different because … ):
“My child is 15 years old, we have given her the liberty of bringing friends home including her boyfriends, because we’d rather she meets them at home than in hole and corner places. She is now dating a 17 year old college boy who goes on and on about how he appreciates her style, her intelligence, her wit and blah blah blah. She falls for that drool. But I have seen the way he looks at her and I know he is after only one thing – because I have been down that road when I myself was 17, and I know what was the only thing on my mind at that time.”

Ahahah! So we get to the truth at last.

Poor Daddy, don’t cry. Here are some tips on how to deal with the situation and return sanity into the home:

  • Invite better looking, better placed guys frequently to the home. She may or may not be interested but whether anything works out or not, she will be able to see the difference between high life and low life.
  • In all fairness, give him a second chance. If she loves him and it is obvious it is going to be a long-term thing, it is better to learn to accept him than let the situation tear your family apart.
  • Talk to your princess. Have regular discussions with her at carefully chosen moments about her feels. Leave your adjectives and your feelings out of it. Be her sounding board so she can sort out her own mind.
  • Stop seeing the boyfriend through the lens of what you were when you were his age. He is a different kettle of fish, and maybe this fish you are undermining may turn out to be a goldfish.
  • If you have actual evidence that he is leading your child on a wrong path, that he is introducing her to drugs, alcohol, and sexual activity or all three, do not hesitate to do everything within your power to terminate the relationship. She may hate you now, but one day she will hold you tight and say, ‘Thank you, Papa, you saved my life.’
  • If the entire family is against him, you should tactically take her side. Then she will start seeing you as her friend and be more open to your views.
  • Take a shotgun – shoot him, and tell the police it was an honour killing (just joking). But the rest of the advice is heartfelt.

by Zanobia Cardoz

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